Diane Chambers

My Mad Fat Worm & I

When you stand in the wind, and find it suddenly does not blow your way, adjust the sails!


By definition, fate is regarded as something, which is predetermined by a supernatural power. When a sequence of events, which are out of our control suddenly, come together even our most meticulous plans can take a sudden unexpected turn. The trouble with fate is, it is not a physical thing and it can’t be bought to justice. We can’t seek revenge on fate. This is my memoir. A true account of events that quite simply, you couldn't make up. By chance, I suddenly became the star of my own Hollywood action, adventure, horror movie all rolled into one. This is NOT a 'poor me', book written to gain sympathy from the masses. My book is for all the people who have ever woken up on the floor with an empty bottle in their arms. It is for those of you who scream under water. It is everyone who has ever decided, the worm must turn. Like the most fucked up carry on movie of all time, this story will leave you wiping away tears of laughter, and tears of understanding what pain really is and just how deep it runs. There is no other story like this. It is brutally honest. Written by the one who has no filter. My mind worm. Strap your self in, for the ride of your life! This true account has more twists, turns and death defying escapades than the Kingda Ka!

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About Me

About Me
I can't lie.  Everything I say is the honest truth and you can trust that every thing I say I mean.  I am putting this in writing here, as I have no friends left. 
People just hate the truth don't they?

Ok.  About me.  Here goes.

Quite a while ago, I was actually born!  That is a fact.

I was an odd kid and spent most of my time hanging onto my older sister by her ankles and she would drag me around with her.  She was a trooper.  That is a fact.

I spent most of my time at school flicking notes to other kids, who upon reading would often laugh.  Some however just grassed me up for being a twat.  That is a fact.

I ran away and joined the Army shortly after leaving school.  that is a fact.  I had tried to run away with the circus,  but at the interview, they said they had to many clowns.  I was applying to be a lion tamer.  That is a joke, and that's a fact.

The best job I ever had, was a to lie on the sofa all day and watch movies.  It was my own business and I was the best woman for the job. That is a fact.

My modelling career began after I was told I would look good on canvas.  I was interviewed and had test shots done at a local  boxing ring.  After being punched in the head I lay down.  They were right, I got a fantastic photo of myself on the canvas.  That is party a fact, and partly a joke.  

I will add more to this so check back.  See you or not.  That is a fact. 


  • Belper, Derbyshire, United Kingdom

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